A place for Catholics who don't find their Catholic identity in the standard definitions. "He drew a circle that shut me out. Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. But Love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle that took him in." Edwin Markham
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The Never Ending Story Continues
This is another one of Fr. Dan Hillen's stained glass pieces. Unfortunately it was destroyed in a car wreck, but it does ask a most pertinent question. Perhaps the only question that really counts and the one which fuels my own personal journey with Catholicism.
The sudden appearance of orbs in my photographs only appeared sudden at the time because I was oblivious to all the prior preparation. I had overlooked all the other times in the past when I had been a fish swimming merrily along, had been hooked, but managed to wiggle off the hook. No, it would be more accurate to say I actually was hooked, but the fisherman at the other end of the line knew how to play his fish. I was always given enough slack to to think I wasn't hooked, and then gently reeled in until I was given a pretty good yank. When I kept fighting, out would come the slack. Thinking I was free again I couldn't see I was actually following a boat that was trolling ever so slowly and determining the path. All I did was make the choice to stay in the wake of the boat where I found the swimming was easier.
What I also couldn't see, is that coming down that fishing line and through that hook was a ton of information. This was information I really had no logical reason to have known but it was always very accurate. For most of my life this kind of information was practical, not the least bit spiritual. Sometimes it was about future events, but given in risk assessment terms. Then an event would happen that exactly matched the risk assessment and everyone of us, including me, would start to wonder---about me. Was I really that prescient, that lucky, or was it something else entirely?
The year before the orbs started appearing, I was given a task through the fishing line. I was to attend daily Mass for an entire year. This didn't seem strange to me because it mirrored a previous request. When I was twelve I was given a similar message and time frame. My family had just moved to the ranch from Detroit, and our foreman told me if I really wanted to become a true horseman I should ride bareback for an entire year. Being the awestruck obedient kid I was I didn't question this at all. I accomplished the task and in the process I discovered that a rider kept their balance by becoming 'one with the horse', establishing a live connection. Interestingly enough, that connection got so strong, I could ride a horse with only a halter. I didn't need the 'hook' of a bit. Even after this formative year, I rarely rode with a saddle, or if I did, it was a saddle pad. I never used a bridle with a bit. At most it would be a modified hackamore. Even back then my actions mirrored the way I myself was being reeled in. I would even say stuff like "I mostly let them have their head until I have to remind them we are going to go where we need to go." Ha ha ha ha.
The advent of the orbs also ushered in the advent of a number of very powerful relationships. These relationships would be instrumental in opening doors into my own consciousness and the Native world. Dianna introduced me to the Monroe Institute and the world of shamanic consciousness. Dianna was also the person who introduced me to the orb phenomenon. Raylene was the first to begin explaining the Native world view and help me understand that world view was all encompassing. A person who practiced Native spirituality lived it 24/7. It wasn't an hour a week phenomenon, or as in my case, an hour a day phenomenon. Natives didn't compartmentalize spirituality such that special times for communication were set aside. In the Native world view this communication could happen anywhere at any time and you had to be alert for it. Native ceremonies were times when Natives created a sacred space in which the Spirit world could interact in this world. For instance a sweat lodge was it's own separate reality in which both ancestors/Holy Ones and humans could interact in each other's reality.
Once I began to kind of understand some of this, along comes Deb who singled out Dianna and I for another level of teaching, and another part of the path. It took Dianna and I quite awhile to figure out Deb actually saw orbs where as we could only photograph them. Part of Deb's interaction with us was to introduce us to some of her Elder teachers. These truly spiritual and gifted men thought it was hysterical that whites had to use technology to 'see' what they saw with their own eyes. They also took it as a sign that confirmed them in their own dreams. It was time to teach all races and nations their particular keys to the kingdom.......
Future installments for this story will be posted on a separate page from the home page. Readers will be able to access the page from the top of the side bar--right above the donate button.
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I'm intrigued by one thing especially in today's "chapter" of the story - the inner prompting to carry out an action (in your case, daily Mass). And that reminds me of something that goes back about 6 years for me. And that is bowing. I had this strong urge, almost a compulsion, to bow to icons - as well as people. I began to bow to the icons, privately. I still do that. I needed to do it first thing in the morning (still do). That was the easy part. One can bow over and over - privately - to an icon. But to withhold one's near-compulsion to do so toward people - in public - that was difficult!ReplyDelete
I eventually began to bow with my hands together, like a Hindu, I suppose. As a Thank-You. Then later as a greeting.
It really blew me away, when I finally moved over to the Orthodox, that people bow to icons all the time! You can bow during Liturgy any time you like.
When I first saw someone venerate the icons and then turn around and BOW to the people in an Orthodox setting, that - for me - was like a revelation and a liberation.
I honestly think that taking up the habit of bowing to the icons every morning - at the very least - multiple bows - had a powerful impact on me. I think it must have changed something within me. I think it powerfully affected me on every level. It was a precursor, I am sure.
Not only that, I am also sure that there is a connection between bowing to the icons and the desire to bow to people as well. Spiritual people are LIVING ICONS. And to bow to someone is, I think, a participation in living out one's own "icon" calling.
So, without realizing it, I believe I was "given" a calling to carry out actions prior to actually understanding where that was leading, where I needed to go.
And I thank you, Colleen, for sharing your own journey here. Because you brought this to mind for me. There are many stepping-stones along the way of each person's path. To think that God leads each one of us! Uniquely! Personally! Right away that tells me that a top-down, dictatorial edict for the spiritual life can never work. We need ways of coming together - Eucharist as the fertile ground out of which the church constitutes itself anew at each Liturgy, as a primary example. But we also need to heed the inner voice, the personal promptings, the spiritual call of a scripture passage or icon or person or event, the power, for example, of someone sharing their story as you have shared yours. (And in a sense my personal blog is such a sharing - little stepping stones, left in a wood - not for others to follow but perhaps as catalysts.)
I am glad I found the Orthodox. For me, it fits. I wasn't just "led" to the Orthodox, it was more forceful than that Indeed the first time I ever talked to my current pastor, I described it as "dragged" - "I was dragged here" - I said to him.
I knew for years that there was one track that ran through my mind which wasn't exactly me. It was the track I would access when I would put together 'risk assessments'. I had to learn to censor this track when working with clients, but having 'inside' knowledge helped immensely with their therapy.ReplyDelete
I used to think of it as my "St Thomas More" track. After the entire year of daily Mass it was like I jumped tracks. I not only had the information track but I could jump time, do shamanic journey, participate in mind blowing healings--both physical and mental, and manifest or un manifest stuff occasionally. What was interesting about all this, I could very seldom do any of this on my own initiative but I was a fairly clean energy chanel for Who ever it was that was doing the real thing.
It really does take 'two or more' just like Jesus said. The thing is the 'two or more' are not limited to two humans.
Now I'm hooked on your story.
Thank you for trusting your readers enough to share such personal information.
p2p I'll eventually get to how and when I finally understood that you can't leave your light under a bushel.ReplyDelete
Gifts and knowledge one receives are meant to shared and to be gifted so that others may receive and gift. If anything I write opens a door, or becomes a key for someone else they too will come to understand the gift must be gifted.
It's a kind of higher quantum law.
If it's kept too secret or used specifically to further one's own nest, it will rebound on you. That too is a quantum law. In Eastern spirituality it's called the law of karma.
In the New Testament Jesus states these two quantum laws in a positive manner as "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." And, "love one another as you love yourself."
Half the training and teaching a person goes through is to understand it's also true that you will hate others as you hate yourself. Quite a bit of the teachings, especially individually assigned work, is to get over the things you hate about yourself and or that you hate others for.
Here is a very interesting icon:ReplyDelete
I'm not sure if or how it fits at all with the post. But I ran across a link to this icon - such rich and unique imagery in relation to the cross. And I wanted to share it.