Sunday, October 17, 2010

Please, Stop It With The Blame The Victim Defense

Some people are getting this message, but others seem incapable of giving up this pathetic strategy.

This article in America magazine is well worth reading because it includes a video of Fort Worth, Texas city councilman Joe Burns and his heart felt plea for gay teens to avoid the temptation of seeing suicide as a solution to the bullying they may experience in school.  Joe Burns is really painful to watch as he describes his own experience growing up gay in a Texas high school, knowing his parents, especially his dad, were not going to deal well with his truth.  He tells his audience that it got better and his dad came to understand loving his son was more important to him than whether or not his son was gay.  I have to admit I got a little choked up watching this very moving testimony, and then I made the mistake of reading the comments.  The following comment sent me through the roof. 

"Isn't there a lot of confusion surrounding this whole issue? The idea of drawing a straight line from, "religious intolerance" to blame religion for a tragic situation could just as well be turned around to show where the plea by an openly "gay" mayor to "gay" youths is exactly what continues to confuse and drive to despair the youth as they develop their bodies, minds, spirits and selves in the context of much sexual impacting upon these same youths. Look at some of the tv shows aimed at the youth and you will see blatant grooming and recruiting towards a homosexual life style; done, of course, in the guise of, "teaching" tolerance towards others. Not that tolerance of others isn't needed, but it is obvious that society and the, "gay party", if you will, has reached way beyond demanding tolerance. (No, what I see is tons and tons of blatant grooming of girls to accept the male heterosexual lifestyle with it's demand that a real girl succumbs to the 'charms' of male attention and does everything in her power to be a magnet for that male attention.)

My understanding is that sexuality develops slowly and in many persons fluctuating thoughts and feelings and desires and experimental actions lead to a natural sort of confusion. Isn't it also true that most young people learn about sexual matters and experience sexual things with the same sex. Young boys with young boys. Young girls with young girls. Cub Scouts with Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts with Girl Scouts. Think about this in regards to your own youth; what you saw, were told, experienced - where and when. (That is true and that is the real problem with chastity only education.  Getting your sexual knowledge from peers who know nothing valid about the consequences of sexual activity is insane.  It's the insane product of the insanity of having a sexual moral theology determined solely by men whose experience is 'officially' non existent.) 

The problem is, to then promote the idea that to have done/seen/felt/heard so makes one a, "gay", or a, "gay" youth, promotes this same confusion in the youth; for a mayor to address, "gay" youth, perpetuates this confusion that exactly does lead to despair. The fact that maybe not, "gayness", but confused/developing/immature sexual identity led to a tragic situation was pointed out earlier in this blog chain in a particular case where a youth had access to pornography which promoted a homosexual style and which in itself led to the tragic effect.  (This is just bizarre thinking. Is this kind of like all a lesbian needs to erase her sexual confusion is a good case of rape?) 

And, so regarding concern for youth, most of whom have not established their sexual identities but are under pressure to do so, there is a sort of bullying by those who pick up the phrase, "gay bullying" and try to cast blame upon others for what they themselves have perpetrated! Perhaps they truly have concern and compassion for youth, but their actions and words can lead to the effects they deplore. (Classic and unapologetic case of blame the victim.)


I am at a loss for words with the last paragraph other than to say it is truly Palinesque.  I wish there was some way I could get this man to understand what he deplores in so called 'gay lifestyle' is exactly what the 'heterosexual lifestyle' does with girls in the years in which they are 'establing their sexual identity'.  I suspect this particular man would have very little problem with the fact too many girls are literally bullied into their first sexual encounters.  There is very little in the 'heterosexual lifestyle' that bolsters female self esteem enough to assert her right to say 'no'. 

The 'heterosexual lifestyle' is designed to reward male self esteem which is why the stats show that those teen age boys with the highest self esteem have the most sexual encounters, and it's exactly the opposite with girls.  These statistics describe a situation ripe with opportunities for abuse and exploitation and there is plenty of it in our high schools and colleges.

If the 'heterosexual lifestyle' is designed to generate and reward male self esteem, it stands to reason that the 'homosexual lifestyle' will be seen as it's direct opposite.  Which it most certainly is and so we have NARTH listing sexually transmitted diseases as a fruit of this disordered lifestyle while completely leaving out that same and far more devastating aspect of the 'heterosexual lifestyle'.  NARTH will list suicide as a consequence of the 'homosexual lifestyle' while completely ignoring some similar effects of the 'heterosexual lifestyle' on girls, including the forced abortion of unwanted pregnancies.

I guess I shouldn't be totally surprised that a male true believer would write that kind of comment about the gay agenda being responsible for gay bullying.  Powerful men have historically blamed their victims for bringing on their own victimization.  It began way back when male leadership convinced women they were to blame for their status as property because of Eve's disobedience.  It was as if Adam had done nothing wrong and was there for still entitled to be considered the pinnacle of God's worldly creation. 

The same tripe is now being presented by right wing Catholics all over the blogosphere.  The "perfect society' of the Catholic Church is not responsible in any way shape or form for the fact these disordered inclined to evil youth opt to kill themselves rather than turn to the tender mercies of the love the sinner hate the sin Christian loving church folks.  This is kind of like expecting the French Roma to turn to President Sarkozy for help, or illegal immigrants to turn to Phoenix's Sherrif Arpaio. It's asking people to be pathological in their victimhood, or to come down with a serious case of Stockholm syndrome.  Hmmmm, maybe that explains the seminary system.


  1. This is excellent. I am still waiting for some Catholic bishops to speak out against the bullying of young gay people.

  2. I don't think most people have really witnessed the bullying some of these young people suffer.

    Here's a youtube: Homophobia Literally Kills: Yankees Game


  3. Wow, that's a powerful video. It gives a real feel for how chilling mob bullying can be. I had trouble digesting the cop or security guy in the background who was so obviously enjoying the 'fun'.

    p2p, I've noticed your local hockey team is still undefeated. I am impressed.

  4. Much as I hate to give that person any more social credit, that is just the perfect descriptor for the comments you quoted: truly Palinesque. As is: incapable of following the rules of grammar when making an argument and thus rendering the argument almost incoherent. Ah well, my brain needs the exercise I guess.

    This must be the introvert in me. Because I always wonder about the social pressure that is claimed to exist when it comes to establishing identity, sexual or otherwise. For adolescents, it seems to me that the source of greatest pressure is the internal hormones. NOT the social pressure to conform to some external standard. At least this was my personal experience. I'm not any sort of expert in psychology. But I do wonder about people who proclaim that social pressure is everything in this matter.

    I can empathize with people who must sort out the conflict between those internal pressures and external standards. Certainly it is easy to see how this conflict leads to suicide as a solution or at least the preferred escape.

    The sexual morality as proclaimed by the hierarchy is determined by men who have no sexual experience. Yet they ALWAYS insist they do have the human capacity of empathy and are so enabled to proclaim with ultimate authority on the matter. One wonders why this empathy is so... limited. It took me years to learn that the problem was their inability to sufficiently empathize with people who are outside what they consider acceptable.


  5. Veronica, you state that, "The sexual morality as proclaimed by the hierarchy is determined by men who have no sexual experience." That is not necessarily true. From what I have read, a significant number of Catholic clergy are or have been sexually active. In parts of Africa and Latin America, for example, it is quite common for priests to have mistresses. How the sexual experiences of these men figure into the sexual morality that they proclaim is another story.

  6. I would argue that the since they have no 'legal license' so to speak for that 'little something on the side' - be it in a mutually consensual relationship or worse in a situation where they are either abused or doing the abusing - they in effect have no sexual experience. Most of them anyway. I admit that there might be a converted priest or widower who becomes a priest who has a legitimate claim to some sexual experience.

    For the most part though, if they buy into the whole celibacy thing for priests at all, then all of their sexual experience is tinged with sin, fear and guilt. They have no experience of an innocent sexual relationship. Everything they think and proclaim from this one-sided experience is pretty dark.